This year as we head into Mother’s Day weekend, we took a few moments to reflect on the experiences we’ve shared with all of you and what we’ve learned in conjunction with our own experiences. Walking past the card aisle in any store or watching some of the TV commercials you’d think Mother’s Day weekend is filled with love, adoration, cards, and flowers. While that may be true for some, for others, this day can be difficult due to feelings of grief and loss experienced for for any number of reasons.
- Failed Adoption
- Death of a mother
- Longing to know a child she placed for adoption
- Death of a child
WOW! I bet that’s not the heavy message you expected from this post. If you are someone feeling less that celebratory, we want you to know that you are not alone. For those whose lives have been touched by adoption, we always say everyone’s adoption journey and adoption story is unique to them. Mother’s Day weekend is no different.
In 1990, a group of birth mothers in Seattle, Washington, created a day to educate and celebrate those who’d placed their baby for adoption. Over the years, this day as become slightly controversial. For some adoptees, having a one day to recognize the woman that gave them birth and a separate day to honor the woman that raised them seems fitting. For some moms who have placed a baby for adoption and are now parenting, having separate days to focus on the different roles seems ideal. For others, they feel as though having separate days diminishes the importance of a birth mom.
What do we think? We think one size doesn’t fit all. For those involved in adoption, we think that everyone’s journey and story is unique to them so when they celebrate who can be what works for them.
Do you know a birth mom and want to recognize them this weekend but don’t know how? Maybe you are afraid your well intentioned comment will open a wound for her. The best advice we can give is to acknowledge her even if it’s a simple “thinking of you this weekend” text.
As we go into this weekend, we want to lift up any person, no matter if you go by the name of mom, birth mom, natural mom, first mom, adoptive mom, grandma, mother-in-law, foster mom or another name completely but fill the role of providing guidance, love and encouragement to another. Thank you for the love and sacrifice you have shown to your little ones….even if they aren’t little anymore.