Lauren, a birth mom, shares her story.
I am a birth mom. Some of you may wonder why I’d want to publically share my story. Could someone judge me for choosing to place my child for adoption? Yes they could but that’s not going to stop me. Why? you may ask. Because somewhere out there is a birth mom that needs some hope and this birth mom can be that hope.
When some people think of a young lady placing their child for adoption, they think of a teenager. That is not me. When I chose adoption, I’d already graduated high school and was in my early 20’s.
When I became pregnant, I was struggling to get my life on track. I was not employed at the time but was going through a job-training program. I was working on improving my life. The father of my baby was someone that I considered a friend but not someone I was in a true relationship with.
In the beginning of my pregnancy, I knew I had three options. Parent. Adoption. Abortion. To the abortion option I said a big HELL NO. Early on, the adoption option was presented to me but I’d made up my mind that I was going to parent my child. I’d even begun the process of gathering the items I’d need for the baby and getting ready.
My Decision to Choose Adoption
As my due date neared closer and closer, the reality of what parenting would look like set it and I began to get scared and worried about how I’d be able to do this. I was still in the training program so I did not have a job. The baby’s father also didn’t have a solid job so we had no money. I didn’t even have a car. I knew I wanted my child to grow up in a secure two-parent home where money was not a big issue. Since I never really developed a relationship with the baby’s father, I was worried about the relationship, if any, my son would have with his father. If my son did have a relationship with his father, I knew he’d be a “suitcase kid” shuttling back and forth between two different homes in two different towns. This was absolutely something I did not want for my son.
My extended family arranged for the baby’s father and I to meet with Coleen with All About U Adoptions. At first, to say I was mad would be an understatement. I was hurt. I was confused. I was sad. I wanted to parent and I didn’t understand why my family wanted me to hear about adoption…but we listened. Looking back, I now know what my family did was out of love for me. Coleen helped us closely look at the realities of parenting; financially, emotionally and physically. She also walked us through what adoption was, the options to consider as well as the pros and cons.
After talking to Coleen, we took several days to discuss and consider our options. Ultimately, we decided placing our son for adoption would be best for him.
My Support Team
Thankfully, I had people in my life that supported our decision. For anyone who is a support system for a birth mom, the best thing you can do for her is be there when she needs you. Do not judge her. Don’t keep pushing her to change her mind. Most importantly, respect her decision.
Unfortunately, I also had some people not supportive of my choice. In fact, one person was a long time friend that was very near and dear to me and I thought supported me. I later learned this friend was being two-faced; supporting me to my face but bashing me on Facebook. There are no words for the hurt I felt. However, I saw through my hurt and tears and decided that friendship was not worth my time.
Choosing a Family
Looking at profiles trying to select a family for our son was hard. I was worried about making the right choice. I felt like I was picking my child’s future and wanted to make sure I made the best decision for him. I was worried about how the adoptive family and I would click. I became nit-picky because I wanted the perfect family for my son.
In our case, the baby’s father and I had different things we were looking for in a family. For me, the most important things were to make sure my son would be supported, grow up in a good household surrounded by a loving family.
My Time at the Hospital
When it came time to give birth and I was at the hospital, I was on an emotional rollercoaster. I was happy that I would not be pregnant any more. I was sad because I knew I’d be leaving without my son.
When it came time to leave the hospital, I was pretty much on autopilot. My body felt empty... like my baby should be with me but yet I knew where he was at and knew that was best for him.
To those that supported me through this process and continue to support me, words cannot express what I want to say. All I can say is thank you.
My Life Now
Oh my how my life has changed since giving birth to my birth son. I’m getting my life back on track. I now have a full-time job where I continue to advance into more and more responsibility. I am engaged to a wonderful, supportive man. Our relationship is loving and stable….all I’d ever hoped for. I’m starting my own business selling health products. I’ve started getting a college degree but have set that aside for the moment while I save money to finish. I’m determined to complete that goal.
My Hopes and Dreams for my Birth Son
Whenever I’m asked what my hopes and dreams are for the son I gave birth to, I tell them this.
- I hope he’ll grow up to be a man that does not judge others.
- I want him to go to school.
- I want him to find the right woman and settle down into a loving relationship.
- I want him to find a job that he loves. Maybe he can be a professional football player. J
Advice to Anyone Debating Adoption vs. Parenting
1.Make the decision that’s best for your baby... not just what’s right for you.
2.If you are considering parenting, make sure you have a stable home, reliable transportation, a secure job and a support team. If you don’t have pieces of this, adoption may be the best choice.
3.If you choose adoption, having support is helpful.
4.If you are considering parenting, think about whether or not you’ll be able to provide for your child’s needs including medical bills, school, clothes, and a safe home.