A Letter of Support from an AAU Birth Mom to Others

Dear Mamas,
I can’t tell you how amazing it is to be here today and writing this. I have a lot to get off my chest. I hope this letter helps you. I was having a bad day, and I was angry at everyone. About 6 months after my decision (to choose adoption), I realized that even though I don’t get to be his “mom” – “A” is doing an amazing job. They couldn’t have a child of their own. I love that I was able to help complete their family. That’s the biggest thing that keeps me going. I was able to help make a family.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was five months along. I was shocked. Utterly shocked because I was not ready to be a parent.

I was in the hospital for my colon. I was nervous when I found out because my mom was going to ask multiple different questions. “We can’t do your surgery because you are pregnant.” The doctor told me after confirming it with two pregnancy tests. Mom started asking questions. Of course, she wondered who the father was. I am grateful the father was my significant other and we went on this journey together.

When I was considering my options, I thought about keeping my son. For personal reasons that wasn’t really an option for me. My mom was my biggest support system because she was always there to talk. She actually gave me information about AAU. I looked at the website for three days before I finally sent an email to Coleen. I started asking questions, and Coleen asked if we could meet in person. It can be scary when you are meeting someone for the first time. Always have a second meeting. If you are keeping all those emotions built up it’s not going to be good for the little person growing inside, you. Talk it out. Even if it’s with someone you don’t know or someone important like your grandma, significant other, or family. Don’t let your emotions build up.

The adoption agency I picked was so supportive. My highest point during the adoption process was meeting Coleen and Kelsey. They are the funniest people I have ever met. When I was ready to see profiles, I had two families that stood out to me. I was having a hard time knowing which one was the right choice for “S”. “A” and “G” have been so amazing. They have accepted me as a part of their family and “A” is the mom that I will strive to be someday. My low point during the adoption process was that I got some depression because I wouldn’t be with my son. That went away pretty quickly when I met the adoptive parents that I picked for “S”.

I want “S” to know my decision had the biggest impact on my life and his life. My hopes and dreams for “S” are that he realizes that this decision was not made alone. It was influenced by multiple different things. I hope he doesn’t get mad at me for this decision. I don’t want him to ever think I made this decision without a lot of consideration. My open relationship with “S’s” adoptive parents is amazing. They sent me a Mother’s Day gift that stays on his “special shelf.” I sent them Easter and Christmas gifts. The best thing I have ever done was open adoption. I think if I had chosen any other type of adoption, it would have impacted me in a harder way.

Leaving the hospital was the hardest part of my adoption. The fact that I would be giving up something that was a part of me but would be a bigger part of someone else. I was leaving without someone that I knew I would not be seeing for a while. But it just meant the next time I saw him would be even more meaningful. When I saw “S” again, it was really happy. “A” told me he always smiles and he’s always so happy! I needed to see that and hear that! (We had a great visit at the zoo when “S” was 8 months old)

I wish moms knew that during the adoption process you need a huge support system. If anyone is toxic, you need to cut them off because they will not be helpful during your adoption. I learned that the hard way. You need to know that they can be open, and they are willing to talk about it. My mom was and is still my biggest supporter. She is always there to remind me that adoption was going to be a big part of my life. I can’t say thank you to her enough. And so was my significant other. I was confident in my decision for adoption. But I still second guessed it. Everyone told me what I was doing was probably the right decision for me and my baby. I decided to go through with it. My support system was a huge part of that.

My life is at a better point than it was when I decided to choose adoption. The whole adoption thing was a little depressing for me. But after a while, I realized that things get better, and things will always change, and every day is a new day. You can’t just dwell on the past. I have a job now. I have family support from every side of the family, mine and my significant others, “S’s” adoptive parents. I have a whole new family with them. I am really happy I made them a family.

And I have the amazing support of AAU. You can always talk to Kelsey and Coleen. You can talk to anyone at AAU, anytime, because they are open 24 hours a day.

Signing off,

Birth Momma F