Many adoptive families come to the adoption journey with the idea that they are “saving a child.” This mindset is often influenced by well-meaning but misguided narratives -sometimes from religious communities or social circles- that frame adoption as a heroic act. While the intention behind this belief may be good-hearted, it fundamentally misrepresents what adoption truly is and, in doing so, can diminish the role of birth mothers and their decisions. All About U Adoptions is dedicated to delivering valuable information and insights to empower and educate our community. It’s important to understand that adoption is not about saving a child instead, an act of trust.

Birth Mothers Make Thoughtful Choices

Adoption is not about rescuing a helpless orphan. In most cases, birth mothers are not abandoning their children or losing them unwillingly. Rather, they are making a deliberate, thoughtful choice. One made out of love, care, and a deep desire to provide the best possible future for their child. This is a selfless and difficult decision that deserves respect, not pity.

To assume that a child placed for adoption has been “saved” disregards the birth mother’s autonomy and sacrifices. It suggests that the child was unwanted or unloved, which is simply not true. Most birth mothers spend significant time considering their options and choosing an adoption plan that aligns with their hopes for their child’s future.

Voluntary vs. Involuntary Adoption

It’s important to distinguish between voluntary and involuntary adoption.

• Voluntary adoption occurs when a birth mother (and sometimes the birth father) makes the decision to place their child for adoption. They choose this path because they believe it is the best option for their child’s future. They may carefully select an adoptive family, build a relationship with them, and maintain some level of contact post-placement, depending on the openness of the adoption.
• Involuntary adoption happens when a child is removed from their birth family due to issues of abuse, neglect, or other circumstances that make it unsafe for the child to remain in their biological home. This is an entirely different situation and should not be conflated with voluntary adoption.

When prospective adoptive parents approach adoption with a “saving” mentality, they often fail to see the difference between these two types of adoption. Most adoptions in the U.S. today are voluntary, and in these cases, the birth mother is making a courageous decision, not being saved from her own life.

Learn more about Voluntary Adoption vs. Involuntary Adoption

A Different Perspective: Honoring the Birth Family

Rather than seeing adoption as an act of saving, adoptive families should view it as an act of trust. A birth mother is not giving up her child; she is making a plan for her child’s future. One that includes the adoptive family as chosen parents. This is a profound and sacred trust that should be met with gratitude, humility, and deep respect.

Adoptive parents should recognize that their role is not to rescue but to embrace the child with love, stability, and respect for their origins. Adoption is built on relationships between birth parents, adoptive parents, and the child. When all parties are acknowledged and honored, the experience of adoption becomes one of connection, not of charity.

A Call for Awareness and Adoption Education

If you are considering adoption, take the time to educate yourself about the realities of the adoption process. Listen to the voices of birth mothers and adoptees. Approach adoption with an open heart, ready to honor the birth family’s role and their loving, intentional decision. By shifting the mindset from “saving” to “loving and parenting,” adoptive families can foster a more ethical, compassionate approach to adoption. One that truly supports everyone involved.

Adoption is not about saving a child. It is about embracing a child with love and honoring the journey that brought them into your family. If you are interested in choosing adoption to grow or build your family, the first step is a Home Study with All About U Adoptions. Call now to discuss your options!