Adoption Make You Feel Birth Mother

How Adoption May Make You Feel as a Birth Mother

Adoption Make You Feel Birth Mother

By Isabelle Bryan

As a birth mother considering adoption, you are likely aware of the potential difficulties ahead. From choosing an adoptive family to creating a birth plan, there are many decisions that need to be made. All About U Adoptions can help with all of them. Our adoption agencies and specialists can assist you in making any choices you’re feeling uncertain about. You can rest assured that no matter how overwhelming your adoption journey may seem, you’ll never be on your own. That said, we will always consider how adoption may make you feel as a birth mother and respect your wishes throughout the adoption process.

The technicalities of your adoption plan in South Dakota, North Dakota, or Nebraska are only part of your journey. The adoption process can be as emotionally charged and complicated as it is mentally demanding. You may experience love, grief, guilt, or anger—or none of these emotions at all. There is no one way to feel. But unfortunately, that also means there is no one emotion to expect.

Emotions You May Experience on Your Adoption Journey

Adoption can be an overwhelming process. During your adoption journey, you may feel emotionally and mentally strained. There is a lot to deal with and a limited amount of time in which to make your decisions for those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy or last-minute adoption, which may be even worse. You may have to make quite a few choices you never expected to have to make. And you may have less time to make those decisions than other birth mothers. 

Emotionally, you may feel like you can finally exhale once the adoption process is over. But you may also feel anger or guilt. You may grieve the loss of your child while still being happy that he/she went to a loving family. You might even be hopeful of a brighter future for both you and your child.

Depending on the circumstances behind their choice, each birth mother may feel differently following the finalization of their child’s adoption. As such, it may be difficult to truly prepare yourself. However, our adoption agency can guide you through some of the emotions you might experience alongside ways to begin healing. 

1. Experiencing Grief and Loss Post-Adoption

The finalization of your child’s adoption and the period of time following may lead to feelings of grief. Being certain of your choice doesn’t prevent you from keenly feeling the loss of your child. And for some birth mothers, these moments of sorrow may continue for an extended period of time. 

Even those whose adoption plan in South Dakota, North Dakota, or Nebraska specified an open adoption may have difficulties. While you may get to experience your child’s life and milestones, you won’t wholly be a part of them. You may even feel a sense of uncertainty when interacting with your child. You are not parent and child, but neither are you strangers. It is a dynamic that may lead to you feeling off-kilter and grieving the relationship you could have had.

But no matter what, don’t let yourself wallow in grief. Talk to our counselors and therapy groups. Remind yourself that you thought through your choice and made the best decision for both you and your child. Let yourself heal, even when it seems hard. The loss may stay with you for some time, but it doesn’t have to consume you. 

2. Experiencing Anger and Guilt Following Your Adoption

You may also experience feelings of anger, potentially for many of the same reasons as you would grief. If you’ve lost connections with friends and family members, you may feel anger over their abandonment. You may feel like you should have tried harder to keep your child, even if you didn’t have the ability to do so. If you were experiencing difficult life circumstances and they improved, you may feel angry that they didn’t improve sooner. And if the pregnancy was unexpected or unwanted, you may even feel angry about being forced to make these decisions.

Guilt may be something birth mothers experience when considering adoption. Adoption is not without its stigmas. You may have heard that “giving up a baby for adoption” means you don’t love your child. This couldn’t be further from the truth. For many birth mothers, adoption is a decision that requires a great deal of strength and love. You are trying to give your child the best life you can, even if that isn’t a life with you.

3. Experiencing Love and Hope as a Birth Mother

Adoption doesn’t always result in negative emotions. It can also create feelings of love and hope, even if they’re tempered somewhat by grief, guilt, or anger.

You can still feel love for your child, even if they’re no longer yours. You can be happy and hopeful that they’re experiencing everything you’d want for them. You can feel love for the adoptive family, whom you chose and may build a relationship with. And for your child and their adoptive family, you can hope for a bright future. That hope can even extend to yourself. 

The Importance of Support Post-Adoption

For those emotionally struggling post-adoption, it’s important to find a source of support. At All About U Adoptions, we provide you with the resources you need throughout your adoption journey. Our adoption agencies provide birth mothers access to professional counseling and group therapy. This potential mix of connection, actionable coping strategies, and support from other birth mothers may help you to begin healing. Allow yourself to work through your emotions with the support of people who are ready to listen.

Additionally, if you can, spend time with people outside of counseling and group therapy. Take the time to build a relationship with your child and their adoptive family. Should you choose a semi-open adoption, our agency can mediate communication so you can contact each other. Consider getting together with friends and family or meeting new people. Find people who love and care about you, and let them help you heal and grow. 

Choosing All About U Adoptions

One of the most important things to remember is that none of this is set in stone. You may feel grief, guilt, or anger for an extended period of time, or you may barely experience them. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to determining how you may feel about your adoption. There is only the way you feel in the moment. 

Creating your Nebraska, South Dakota, or North Dakota adoption plan can be mentally draining, particularly for those experiencing an unplanned or emergency adoption. And the whole of the adoption process—including its aftermath—can be emotionally so. But with our adoption agency, you’ll never be alone in handling it. Our adoption specialists are here to make sure you have the information you need to make the best decisions possible. Our professional counselors and group therapy services can offer you the social support you need to work toward healing.

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