We recently had an adoptive mama share some of her jotted down journal notes from one of the “hard days” when adoption weighs more heavily on her heart. Having walked this path with so many adoptive families, we are well aware that, just like life, nothing is as simple as a happily-ever-after fairy tale. But we are also aware of the beautiful network of support in the adoption community and the strength that comes from hearing someone validate your experiences. With that in mind, we asked permission to share her thoughts and words to possibly support, inspire, educate, encourage, and challenge others who choose to read it:
Adoption is hard – beautiful, miraculous, and tragic all wrapped up with a pretty bow. The big picture involves happiness, child milestones, and birthday parties. But adoption is a lifelong choice chosen daily as you wake up. Every day I will celebrate adoption, while I also face the looks, stares, and hurtful/inappropriate questions from strangers. And I will smile and look down into my little one’s eyes and say you are loved, special, and adoption is just one piece of a larger puzzle that makes up who you are.
Adoption to me is a silent, solemn vow to put my selfish thoughts and worries to the side. My child’s thoughts of themself, the world, and where they began is my number one priority. Telling them about their birth mom and family with age appropriate descriptions and truth. Stopping whatever I am doing no matter what time of day if an adoption related question is asked. They may be my children, but it is my responsibility to the world and my kids to assist in raising human beings that will one day walk out of my door to begin their own life and contribute good, kindness, and knowledge. It is my responsibility to not let them walk away from me with questions, worries, traumas, and thoughts of being lied to.
Trauma is inevitable – their life began with a loss – but we all have our own baggage, and I strive to learn and help them find ways to cope and understand. I get to be the one who tells them the story of how they came to be. I get to celebrate the joy and love that surrounds adoption. I get to be the person that holds them and comforts them when the hard questions get asked. My beautiful, miraculous babies were handed to me by a woman that gave birth to them, chose life for them, and then selflessly handed them to a stranger to raise, love, and nurture. I owe it to, not only my children, but to their birth mom to do my very best. She entrusted me with a most precious piece of her.
Adoption is hard, beautifully hard – it can bring me to my knees or have me jumping for joy. I choose adoption, today and for the rest of my days. And the days when the questions are too much, or it feels extra hard, I take a breath, say a prayer and begin again the next day.
AAU Adoptive Mom
